Mrs.YonkersIsBonkers! - (EPUB全文下载)

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My Weird School #18
Mrs. Yonkers Is Bonkers!
Dan Gutman
Pictures by Jim Paillot
To Emma
Contents
1 A Computer in My Head
2 Say Good-bye to Sugar
3 Emily Is a Giant Hamster
4 Sharpening Pencils Can Be Dangerous
5 Sugar Shock
6 Computers Can’t Tell Jokes
7 Busted!
8 Virtual Reality Day
9 The Truth About Mrs. Yonkers
10 The Greatest Invention in the History of the World
11 Send in the Clones
12 One Way to Handle a Sub
13 The Moral of the Story
About the Author and the Illustrator
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
 
1
A Computer in My Head
My name is A.J. and I hate school.
Do you know what would be cool? Instead of learning stuff in school, we should have computers built into our heads. There could be software for math, social studies, reading, and all that other stuff teachers say we need to know. You could just plug whatever software you need right into your head. Then we wouldn’t have to go to school anymore!*
Think about it. If we had computers in our heads, we could spend more time doing stuff we want to do, like playing sports and video games and going to the movies and eating junk food. That would be cool. I would buy one of those computers in a minute. But I guess until somebody invents a computer you plug into your head, we’ll just have to keep going to school. Bummer in the summer!
We had just finished circle time in Miss Daisy’s class when Mr. Klutz came into the room. He’s the principal of Ella Mentry School, and he has no hair at all. I mean none. Hats must slide off his head because there’s nothing to hold them on.
“To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, Mr. Klutz?” asked Miss Daisy. (That’s grown-up talk for “What are you doing here?”)
“I wanted to try out a new joke,” Mr. Klutz said.
Oh no! Mr. Klutz tells the worst jokes in the history of the world.**
“Where’s the best place to keep a remote control?” he asked.
“Where?” we all shouted.
“In a remote location!” he said. “Get it? Remote? Location?”
Mr. Klutz bent over laughing and slapped his knee even though his joke was totally lame. We all laughed anyway. You should always laugh at the principal’s jokes, no matter how lame they are. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
“But seriously,” Mr. Klutz said, putting on his serious face so we knew it was time to get serious, “I need to talk to you about something. Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education, wants us to bring Ella Mentry School into the 21st century.”
“Cool!” I shouted. “We’re gonna travel through time!”***
“This ............

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