HowtoRaiseanAdult_BreakFreeoftheOverpare.epub - (EPUB全文下载)

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Table of Contents
About the Author
Copyright Page
 
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To Dan, who always
~ and ~
To Sawyer and Avery, the soon-to-be adults we’re raising.
 
INTRODUCTION
Caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar.
(Traveler, there is no path. The path is made by walking.)1
—Antonio Machado (1875–1939)
This is a book about parents who are overinvolved in the lives of their kids. It looks at the love and fear behind our overinvolvement. It looks at the harm we cause when we do too much. And it looks at how we might achieve better long-term ends—and help our kids achieve even greater success—by parenting differently.
I love my kids as fiercely as any parent does, and I know that love is the foundation for all we do as parents. But in my years researching this book I’ve learned that many of our behaviors also stem from fears; perhaps chief among them is the fear that our kids won’t be successful out in the world. Of course it’s natural for parents to want their kids to succeed, but based on research, interviews with more than a hundred people, and my own personal experiences, I’ve come to the conclusion that we define success too narrowly. And what’s worse, this narrow, misguided definition of success has led us to harm a generation of young adults—our children.
I came to know, care, and worry about young adults over the course of my ten years as freshman dean at Stanford University. I loved that work and found it a sheer privilege to be alongside other people’s eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old sons and daughters as they began to unfold into the adults they would become. My students made me laugh and they made me cry, and I rooted for them no matter what. This book is not an indictment of them or of their generation, people born after 1980—known as Millennials. Their parents, though—we parents, I’ll say, for I, too, am one of them—are another ............

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