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Beautiful Boy
A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction
David Sheff
HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY Boston · New York 2008
Copyright © 2008 by David Sheff
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Company, 215 Park Avenue South, New York, New York 10003.
www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Sheff, David.
Beautiful boy : a father's journey through his son's addiction / David Sheff. p. cm.ISBN-13: 978-0-618-68335-2ISBN-10: 0-618-68335-6
1. Drug abuse—Treatment—California.
2. Methamphetamine abuse—Treatment —California. 3. Children of divorced parents—California. I. Title.HV5831.C2S54 2006 362.29'9—dc22 [B] 2006026981
Book design by Melissa Lotfy
Printed in the United States of America
MP 10 987654 321
This book is for the women and men who have dedicated their lives to understanding and combating addiction at rehabs, hospitals, research centers, sober-living and halfway houses, and organizations devoted to education about drug abuse, as well as the anonymous—the brave ones who keep coming back—at countless twelve-step meetings every day and night throughout the world—to them and their families: the people who understand my family's story because they have lived and are living it, the families of the addicted—their children, brothers and sisters, friends, partners, husbands and wives, and parents like me. "It's just that you can't help them and it's all so discouraging," wrote F. Scott Fitzgerald. But the truth is, you do help them, and you help one another. You helped me. Along with them, this book is dedicated to my wife, Karen Barbour, and my children, Nic, Jasper, and Daisy Sheff.
Contents
introduction 1
PART 1 stay up late 17
PART II his drug of choice 105
PART III whatever 123
PART IV if only 171
PART V never any knowing 235
epilogue 307
Acknowledgments 319
Resources 321
Credits 325
When you cross the street, Take my hand.
—JOHN LENNON, "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)"
Introduction
It hurts so bad that I cannot save him, protect him, keep him out of harm's way, shield him from pain. What good are fathers if not for these things?
—THOMAS LYNCH, "The Way We Are"
"Howdy Pop, God, I miss you guys so much. I can't wait to see you all. Only one more day!!! Woo-hoo."
Nic is emailing from college on the evening before he arrives home for summer vacation. Jasper and Daisy, our eight- and five-year-olds, are sitting at the kitchen table ............

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