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Acknowledgments

I would like to gratefully thank: Kay Cannon, Richard Dean, Eric Gurian, John Riggi, and Tracy Wigfield for their eyes and ears. Dave Miner for making me do this. Reagan Arthur for teaching me how to do this. Katie Miervaldis for her dedicated service and Latvian demeanor. Tom Ceraulo for his mad computer skills. Michael Donaghy for two years of Sundays.
Jeff and Alice Richmond for their constant loving encouragement and their constant loving interruption, respectively.
Thank you to Lorne Michaels, Marc Graboff, and NBC for allowing us to reprint material.
Contents

Front Cover Image
Welcome
Dedication
Introduction
Origin Story
Growing Up and Liking It
All Girls Must Be Everything
Delaware County Summer Showtime!
That’s Don Fey
Climbing Old Rag Mountain
Young Men’s Christian Association
The Windy City, Full of Meat
My Honeymoon, or A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again Either The Secrets of Mommy’s Beauty
Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny
Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat
A Childhood Dream, Realized
Peeing in Jars with Boys
I Don’t Care If You Like It
Amazing, Gorgeous, Not Like That
Dear Internet
30 Rock: An Experiment to Confuse Your Grandparents
Sarah, Oprah, and Captain Hook, or How to Succeed by Sort of Looking Like Someone There’s a Drunk Midget in My House
A Celebrity’s Guide to Celebrating the Birth of Jesus
Juggle This
The Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter
What Turning Forty Means to Me
What Should I Do with My Last Five Minutes?
Acknowledgments
Copyright
* Or it would be the biggest understatement since Warren Buffett said, “I can pay for dinner tonight.” Or it would be the biggest understatement since Charlie Sheen said, “I’m gonna have fun this weekend.” So, you have options.
* Improv will not reduce belly fat.
* If you get this reference to David Foster Wallace’s 1997 collection of essays, consider yourself a member of the cultural elite. Why do you hate your country and flag so much?!
* The Viennese do not enjoy American sketch comedy.
* This is a paid endorsement from the Saucony Corporation.
* I say Harvard “Boys” because they are almost always male—but not exclusively; rock on, Amy Ozols!—and because they are usually under twenty-five and have never done physical labor with their arms or legs. I love them very much.
* When I asked Steve Higgins if he remembered the Weekend Update piss jar he said, “Yes, and be sure you mention the booger that had been wiped on the w ............

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